January 21, 2004

John Kerry, Last Hope for Sex in the White House?

Still not sure what to make of John Kerry's recent comeback capped with a victory in the Iowa. He was dead in the water 10 days ago, and then what? Best explanation I can come up with is that it some how involves the Stephan Marbury coming to the Knicks, cause they both happened at the same time and both involve a little bit of magic. Actually this article gives a hint, but one operative in Iowa is not the answer.

The eeriest aspect of Kerry's turnaround, to me at least, is how its effected my opinion of the man. I pretty much dismissed him from the get go, one of my least favorite candidates. The man looks like a giant shrivelled penis for christ's sake, how the hell is he going to get elected president?

Suddenly though I like him, he looks a little more like a cross between Keith Richards and Ronald Reagan. And the penis bit? perhaps that's actually a good thing. Maybe that's exactly what this country needs, someone to bring some sex back into the White House. Might keep us out of a couple wars. And shit, who wouldn't vote for the sex candidate? We all know that Clinton's approval ratings jump way up once it was clear he was pimping in the oval office.

Of course the core conservatives and religious right would start squealing louder then Dean with a gerbil up his rear, but they're only 30% of the vote. Plus elections occur behind closed doors and we all know damn well how dirty the deeply religious get under those circumstances.

Course Kerry isn't exactly the ideal candidate, but consider the alternatives. The way Dean has been acting lately you'd think Judy hasn't broken him off a piece since their freaking honeymoon. And someone should let Kucinich know that Friendster is still free, and there for a much cheaper way of finding a date then running for president. Gephardt proved his impotency as House Majority leader, and Clark would never consent to something as human as intercourse, would he? Perhaps Edwards is an option, but he doesn't look like he's past the age of consent. Sharpton, hell I love the mofo, but whether we like it or not this country just ain't ready to go black...

So there you have it, John Kerry the only option to bring sex back into the White House. Make what you want of it, I just write this shit.

Posted by Abe at January 21, 2004 02:03 AM

Comments

I want to dislike kerry. I mean i really want to watch him self destruct and enjoy it.... but he may be our best/only hope. Dean lost me last night durring that speach, it was taken out of context by the talking heads but still, chill out, smoke a bowl man, that hot head shit is a total dick deflator.

So i guess i am going to jump on the kerry bandwagon. At least he's *tall*.


Kerry voted to invade Iraq. Sorry, that's a deal breaker for me.

Happy Birthday to AD!

I'm not endorsing the large penis, just tossing round some thoughts...

Iraq vote shouldn't be a deal breaker for anyone though. I didn't like it no doubt, but there is no way any of these candidates (cept Holy Joe) would ever, ever launch that sort of invasion. I have no love for Democrats in general, but damn, look at the alternative.

Abe, this whole piece is hilarious!

I've had photos sent to me comparing Kerry's profile with that of the Old Man of the Mountain (NH's fallen granite face - may Kerry's hold up a little better). I sure hope nobody sends me any of Kerry compared to a giant penis. Your writing about it has done enough. ;-)

Kerry did not vote to invade Iran. Kerry voted along with the congress to give Dubya the power to negotiate, consult the UN and work with the Security council. Kerry voted to give Bush the power and leverage to find the best solution in Iraq. Read the resolution. This was to apply leverage to Saddam. Bush used that "power" not to negotiate but to invade. Kerry's mistake was to believe Bush could handle the power. He trusted American honor, history, leadership, and was as disappointed as the rest of us.

Jon

John Kerry looks like the priest from the exorcist!! This sucks that we're all going to have to vote for him now.

Kerry is a member of skull and bones to boot. It's lovely knowing that once a Bush clone is in office everyone will stop paying attention once more so that America can make further progress on the way to the New World Order (as Richard Perle puts it so convincingly).

Looks like Kerry didn't wait for the White House to start having Clintonesque sex. He's now rumored (see Drudge) to have had an affair with an AP intern, and she's now been shipped out of the country. Oh well, there's always Edwards.

Looks like Kerry didn't wait for the White House to start having Clintonesque sex. He's now rumored (see Drudge) to have had an affair with an AP intern, and she's now been shipped out of the country. Oh well, there's always Edwards.

I think Kerry may have a bit more of a problem stemming the *tide* of questions sure to come about his Intern Screwing escapades. First to _Tereeeza_, then to the press, then to Wisconsin voters. The reason the French Politicians get away with infidelity is they don't hide it, and their wives don't shave. (Reason enough for an affair eh?)

John Kerry has accomplished NOTHING in his Senate career. He voted in favor of 'No Child Left Behind,' 'The Patriot Act.' and knew damned well Bush would invade Iraq immediately after receiving Congressional authorization. He's received more special interest money than any other senator and has returned the favor in kind. (ie; Big Ditch scandal in Massachusetts just to name one instance.

His only claim to fame is his service in Viet Nam. Unfortunately he aligned himself with Jane Fonda afterward--

The die is cast--
If you want a "business as usual" president,
Kerry's your man.
For real change---Vote Dean!

John Kerry has accomplished NOTHING in his Senate career. He voted in favor of 'No Child Left Behind,' 'The Patriot Act.' and HAD TO KNOW Bush would invade Iraq immediately after receiving Congressional authorization.

He's received more special interest money than any other senator and shows his gratitude by serving the multi-nationals. (The Big Ditch scandal which took place in Massachusetts serves as just one example.)

His only claim to fame is his service in Viet Nam. Afterward he aligned himself with Jane Fonda.

The die is cast--
If you want a "business as usual" president,
Kerry's your man.
For real change---Vote Dean!

I say the problem with all of the Democratic hopefuls are that they don't have a real stand on anything! They continue to attack eachother, and change stances every time they are asked a real question. If you want a real president, get Zel Miller to run. I am a staunch conservative, and I would vote for that man. HE is the democrats best hope.

Well John Kerry is the last chance for sex in the Whitehouse.But Dean is the last chance for the country.

Some day all you people with kids will thank President Bush for going in to Iraq so that our children don't have to deal with him later on. He broke every UN rule, he ignored the warnings,
and basicly called us on. The middle east is going
to be a torn in the USA side for a long time. So I think it was time to flex our muscle. This way
no one else gets any ideas.

Some day all you people with kids will thank President Bush for going in to Iraq so that our children don't have to deal with him later on. He broke every UN rule, he ignored the warnings,
and basicly called us on. The middle east is going
to be a torn in the USA side for a long time. So I think it was time to flex our muscle. This way
no one else gets any ideas.

This is a the real problem, this country was founded by God fearing christians or people very influenced by christianity,for the most part-they continued to fight and die for this country for many years-but in the last 30+ years we have opened our ears to the homos,lezbos,pieta,anti God groups(a.c.l.u.),enviromental wacs,anti war-anti america(Kerrys), and the list goes on and on.It"s sad, because we listen and give a voice to these sorry losers.I don"t read about any of these people in the founding of this country,they had no part.So since thier screwing it up so bad now, its only right, they should be the first running and willing to defend the country, they love to screw up, and made better for themselves(or so they think).I think when our mainland gets invaded we should just let these people be captured and taken away.Since they shed no blood to make this country what it was,and demand the right to piss on it,and destroy it for everyone else.